Grief Unexpected

Going Gluten Free brings its own grief, sadness, frustration, and anger which  sometimes become a whirlwind of emotions.  I think there is some point where we go through stages of grief as we find out we have to go gluten free, and then make that transition. That in itself, is its own post.

After almost two months trying to find a Gluten Free Skin Care line– that is TRUELY gluten free and doesn’t just claim to be– I finally found it.  Well, I’ve found a make-up line.  I’m still working on the Face Care Part….I have found shampoos and body care. I’ll post that soon.

In searching for a make-up line that I thought would be free from Gluten, I also found out that make-up is extremely unsafe! (Even some of the “safe” claiming lines use ingredients that Skin Deep  rates as “extremely toxic” or “hazardous.”)   I  found out that supposedly some lipsticks can contain LEAD and the 28-letter long ingredients that I attempted to find more information about to track down gluten proteins and sources of gluten made me sick to my stomach.  It added further frustration and anger as well.  I try to keep my kids from dyes, but lipstick and gloss contain all sorts of red dyes, chemicals and ickiness.  Makeup itself contains LAKE and FD&C colors. 

My one recommendation whether you are Gluten Free or not, get a good lipstick that is not full of some of those chemicals or dyes. Remember, the skin is an organ that absorbs stuff, but with lipstick, you eventually ingest what you put on, especially if you’re a lip licker!  Also, if you’ve gone Gluten Free, but have started having symptoms again, start with your lipstick! Get a GF lipstick and see if that helps….then move on to the rest of it.

By the time I finished searching, I was furious.  Furious at the government for such sloppy and crummy regulations.  Furious at companies that actually are getting away with deceptive labeling.  “Formulated without Gluten”  What the heck does that  mean?  The original recipe doesn’t contain gluten, but what about the final product???   It reminds of Bath and Body Works statement: “This final product is not tested on animals.”  Ok, so does that mean that up until it’s bottled, it’s tested on animals?    The “final product” would be a bottled product. 

This past Sunday, I drove an hour plus just to try a makeup that is Gluten Free, as well as dye free, paraben free, etc.  I was thrilled, but at the same time, I have always had a hard time with mineral makeup.  Whatever it contains, it usually has something in it that makes my face itch so much, I want sandpaper for a washcloth. 

Only four boutiques in the entire state of CO carry the line AfterGlow Cosmetics. I must say, I was thrilled! Not only did the make-up feel wonderful, but it also looked gorgeous! The entire day my face felt fine. They have gorgeous colors, they don’t itch, and I felt like I could wear make-up again without poisoning myself!

With money being incredibly tight, and these not being low cost, I ended up basically buying a foundation, a setting powder and a lipstick. I was sad I couldn’t completely get even enough for a full look, let alone be able to completely change all my make-up over, but it was a start. At least I could wear something! I had found another line called, Zuzu Luxe Cosmetics at our local Vitamin Cottage, so I had a wonderful blush I liked. (Definitely check that line out too. they’ve got some wonderful colors, etc. However, I didn’t LOVE the lip pencil and the lipstick, gloss, and even pencil, have Wheat Germ Glycerides in them. They claim it’s GF if extracted properly, but when I tried it, my lips were not happy. I’ll actually do a review here soon in another post!)

Once I got home, I realized it was trash day on Monday, so it would be a perfect time to let go of the “bad” cosmetics, and sanitize my make-up caddy. 

Going through everything– my lipsticks, liners, mascaras, etc brought a huge unexpected grief.  Some of these I’d only used for special occasions.  Picking up colors brought back memories of lovely times.  Grabbing my face wash and going through all my skin care to go ahead and toss, brought a huge sadness.  Smells brought back memories of special parties, trips with my family, or a special moment with my husband or children.  One color I wore on Mother’s day with a matching blouse.   Others brought back that wonderful feeling of finding something I really love and it becoming part of me.   Some of these colors, smells, and skin care regimen, etc have been woven into my life.  Their use has been part of joy, peace,  happiness, and even sad times.  For instance, I only wear x mascara if I know it’s going to be a good day because it runs with the slightest moisture. 

 Although,  it’s time to get rid of many anyway for shelf life reasons, it was still hard to realize how much of who I feel like I am, what I look like, etc, is reflected my skin care and makeup.  To toss favorites, that I still love and am just getting rid of b/c I can’t use it, was painful. 

At the same time, even though it brought grief, it brought healing.  My make-up bin is tiny at the moment, but after learning what was in make-up during my “Witch Hunt,”  I could feel like I was taking a new step to care for myself and my children.   Once I can afford it, my daughter will have healthy lip glosses that won’t affect her behavior.   My kisses on their cheeks won’t be laced with poison. 

On a final note,  I highly recommend the beauty shop that I went to try the cosmetic line.    Randee, at Pout Beauty Boutique was incredibly helpful. It’s a lovely little boutique and she’s both knowledgable and was very kind in helping me find something to work. She also helped me find something that could work in my itty bitty budget.  Trying to start completely over with an all new makeup line brings its own grief from frustration in the cost.  She’s  very kind and helpful.


2 thoughts on “Grief Unexpected

  1. This is an excellent post! I really enjoyed it.

    I know how much of my own identity is in my makeup. It’s such a silly thing, but I’m a girly girl – won’t go down to the shop down the street for a tomato without having my make-up on. I know I get irritated throwing out my mascaras just because they’re 6 months old when they still have stuff in them, and so purging your entire makeup box feels like such a waste!

    I think for me, more than grief, tho… I just experience exhaustion. I’m SO TIRED of going through the ingredients lists for every new item I buy. Or going through all of the ingredients for everything I bought when I have a reaction to something. Once I took my friend (who was telling me that I was over-reacting to how difficult a gluten free diet was) with me to the grocery store. An hour later, every single item she’d picked up had contained wheat, gluten, or one of the harmful colours. By the time we got out of there she just looked at me and said ‘how do you do this every week?’ I said ‘we weren’t even putting things down that weren’t vegan or that had the other stuff I’m allergic to.’

    But, like you say, with the grief (and, I’m certain, the exhaustion) comes healing… and in the end you know you’re doing right. But it sure is a painful road to take! And there isn’t really any point not putting all the poison in your body if you’re going to put it on your body and have it have the same effect.

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